I'm not there

Hello. Maybe all this will be boring to you. But this is my story.

We all have some regrets. Which leads us to many abysses. Some regrets have a reversal. Some of them knock a person down so much that no matter how much you want to, you can't revive and look at life with a new perspective. This is how my story began. Irrevocable regret..

First of all, I want to inform you that I am Azerbaijani. It is not easy to live here. Not because there is no food, water and facilities here. Because there are no "women's rights" here.We have the concept of "mentality". Which all people use this expression a lot. I'm sure you know this place as just a recreation area. Or you don't know at all. "Azerbaijan" was a place of broken hearts. There are such bad people in such a beautiful, heavenly place... A woman does not understand a woman, a human being is a human being..

My father divorced my mother when I was little because I was a girl. And he started a new family life. (I will also inform you that he was married and divorced 3 times). My mother was an uneducated housewife. It's not easy to raise a 9-month-old baby alone in this country. The only goal was for me to grow up to be educated and not to live my own fate. Unfortunately, girls here are living the fate of their mothers. It's like a boomerang. I was a very stubborn, self-satisfied, but also kind and fun girl. Of course, such a girl was not considered normal in such a country. Even because of that, people around me called me uneducated. But the good thing about me was that I was also indifferent.))

We live on the 8th floor of a tall building. I loved watching the sunset from there. To feel the wind every morning and to see the sun rise through the mountains, these things are magnificent. After all, I told you that this place is like heaven (without people). And yet another day as I was watching the sun rise, a man appeared. I like to analyze people, to look at them. I could distinguish between good and bad. But it wasn't him. I didn't know what I was thinking. I was looking at him. And he was looking at me. Little did I know that the person I looked at so confused today would one day be the killer of my feelings.

We continued to look. The surprising thing was that I was 15 years old and I still had no one I loved until this age. Because I looked at everyone as a friend. And to be honest, I didn't understand that people were so bad at that time. It was as if someone was telling me to "come down and meet him." (I wish I didn't fall). He was already in front of me, greeted me and just wanted to get to know me. And we met.I grew attached to him as the days went by. At the same time, I was drifting away from my studies. I would skip every class and go to him. No one in my family knew about it yet. There is a word called "manipulation". And I didn't know it then. Unbeknownst to me, he manipulated me and made me fall in love. I had reached such a point that I thought I couldn't last even a second without him.One day, while we were walking, my dear teacher saw us. Sometimes I think that the teacher is to blame for everything. Maybe if he hadn't told my mother about us, everything wouldn't have come to this extent. But maybe I'm wrong. After all, when everyone makes a mistake, they look for someone to blame. No one wants to admit what they did. Just like me.. I just can't accept it.. And when I came home, my mother was sitting on a chair, holding her face in her hands and crying. It was the first time I saw him so helpless. Even as I write this, that expression comes to my mind and I can't stand it.He made me sit in front of him and I told him everything from the beginning. I told him that he loves me and wants to start a family with me. He was silent. I was burning inside, but my mother was silent. He just looked at me and left. I still don't know where he went.

Let me tell you one more feature of this country. Here, parents do not want to educate their daughters, they marry them. They enslave them to someone else. This is not a family, they are not ashamed, they say that they have built such a family, they console themselves. It's like giving a baby to someone else. While the girls are struggling to study, they are drawn into the life of some scoundrel and make them miserable for life. They also take lessons from their parents. I was lucky. My mother did not want to marry me, but to make me an educated woman who can stand on her own two feet. Maybe I didn't want it, or the child in me. After all, I said at the beginning, girls live the fate of mothers.

I don't want to bore you with a long talk. Maybe they are not interesting to you. If you really want to know what's next in this story, let me know and I'll continue. Forgive me if I bore you. I am here for you. ❤️ But actually I'm not..